Comedic Couple Life Pillows

'Where did my husband hide his credit cards?'

Stand-up Romcom

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"The blow drier is broken."

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"