Comedic Couple Appreciator Pillows

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

"The blow drier is broken."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'We were made for each other.'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

Gay couple living together.

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"