Couple Appreciator Pillows

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

Couple kissing by a 'Ped Xing and Oing' sign.

'We were made for each other.'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

Couple in Grey

'Good morning Miss...'

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

Gay couple living together.

Elderly couple

"That's Fred's Case History."

'I'm still beautiful you know . . . you just have to read between the lines.'

How To Be Your Own Best Friend

"Stop tensing your abdominals!"

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'A babe magnet? Shouldn't that be a fridge magnet?!'

"Since when do you obey traffic signs, Billy?!"

"They have this arrangement. He earns the money and she takes care of the house."

"Will you say the three magical words that always make me so happy?"

"Honey! Remember when you used to nibble my ear?"

It's the thought that counts...'on our first anniversary he gave me a pearl necklce. On our silver anniversary he gave me a colonoscopy!'

'We strive for a diverse customer service team. For every people person, we hire one misanthrope.'

"Look, if I'm coming across as uncaring and self-centred it's because my spin doctor wanted me to be that way!"

You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.