Comedic Couple Advisory Pillows

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"The blow drier is broken."

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

Searching for condom.

"Honey, I'm home."

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

This pregnancy thing just isn't working out, Steve - I can't use my laptop!

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

'I wear the pants in this family!'

"You don't need tech support. You have those on backwards."