Comedic Couples Gifts

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

Deep Fat Fryer: 'Did you find the foot-spa, dear?'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

"My doctor gave me the O.K. to go ahead and die during sex."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"You don't need tech support. You have those on backwards."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"The blow drier is broken."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

"You lick, I'll dry."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

Searching for condom.

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

This pregnancy thing just isn't working out, Steve - I can't use my laptop!

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.