Comedic Couple Gifts

'Frankly, I wish you hadn't bothered to get in touch with your feminine side, Walter.'

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

'Our water bill is more than we spent on our vacation because you again left the toilet running the whole time we were away.'

My Husband is on a Business Trip

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"I tried claiming child benefit, but they wouldn't give it to me because he's my husband."

Is it true love when two people dressing velcro find each other?

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I don't know why you mind me reading in bed so much Frank?'

'Thanksgiving was great! Makes you look forward to Christmas, doesn't it?'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

Stand-up Romcom

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"The blow drier is broken."

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'