Comedic Couple Gifts

'Frankly, I wish you hadn't bothered to get in touch with your feminine side, Walter.'

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

'Our water bill is more than we spent on our vacation because you again left the toilet running the whole time we were away.'

My Husband is on a Business Trip

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"Stop whining. You needed underwear and the thongs were on sale."

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"I tried claiming child benefit, but they wouldn't give it to me because he's my husband."

Is it true love when two people dressing velcro find each other?

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I don't know why you mind me reading in bed so much Frank?'

'Thanksgiving was great! Makes you look forward to Christmas, doesn't it?'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

Stand-up Romcom

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"The blow drier is broken."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"You lick, I'll dry."