Dreamy Dater Pillows

Waterfall of Disappointment

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

Asking out a palm reader.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

The Bare Minimum

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"You're right. This is better than sex."

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

Single men in Tahiti

"So much for watching a Jane Austen movie with my date. He kept waiting for the car chase!"

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

True Loves

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"I don't know - I feel like we always split the cheese plate."

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'He seems nice.'

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

'You must be Olivia.'

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."