Witty Dater Pillows

"He's a terrible drunk."

"Boy, your sister wasn't kidding when she said you were the face of the company."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Bangers and Mash

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Waterfall of Disappointment

Jokes machine.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Bat out of Hell

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'