Witty Partner Pillows

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Bangers and Mash

"Bed Spread"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Call Your Office

'Oh, and one more thing

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Cold caller.

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Male On Sunday

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

Bell Hop

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Before we get into the scope, the breadth, the gravity and the cost of this mess...pour yourself a drink...'

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'