Witty Partner Gifts

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Bangers and Mash

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Bed Spread"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Call Your Office

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'Oh, and one more thing

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'He never listened to his mother!'

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Bell Hop

Male On Sunday

Cold caller.

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'