Date Humorous Pillows

I brought a little ice breaker.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"You need a mint."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"When you called yourself a playboy...."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

"Why do you think cool cars are lame?"

'Would you say you lean more to the left?'

Worst. Mating all. Ever.

"What I don't like about the military is all the emphasis on winning."

"You're the only man he's ever liked."

"Taking leftovers home, again?"

'You give me goose bumps.'

'How come I never get to drive on our dates?'

'The dating agency matched me up with my avatar.'