Date Night Humor Pillows

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"You need a mint."

Dating in Oz

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

He's Tasty!

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"When you called yourself a playboy...."

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

"Why do you think cool cars are lame?"

Giant cat sleeps on a building

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Look, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, but. . ."

'Would you say you lean more to the left?'

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'The dating agency matched me up with my avatar.'

"What I don't like about the military is all the emphasis on winning."

'You give me goose bumps.'

"Taking leftovers home, again?"

Singles Baa - "So, what's a girl like ewe doing in a place like this?"