Date Night Humorist Pillows

"You're not one of those hoarders, are you?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"Why do you think cool cars are lame?"

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

Overnight Programming

'Do you have to use your sat-nav for everything?'

Man with many tattoos.

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"You're a pig in bed."

"When you called yourself a playboy...."