Quirky Date Night Humorist Pillows

"Taking leftovers home, again?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Tunnel of Like.

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists