Quirky Humorist Pillows

'I must warn you, I know tai chi. We can step outside and settle it like men, but it will have to be in slow motion.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

The end is near. Are we nearly there yet?

'Well, no, I don't see any patterns in this data, but I did see Elvis in my oatmeal this morning!'

High in the central Andes, the legal eagles build their nests, hunt for food and suet the bejesums out of each other.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

Ronald is extremely compulsive.

Building an inferiority complex - debate over land use.

'Rising damp? Nah! That's our Nan with her pot of tea. Terrible hiccups always. . .'

One day, after forgetting to pay his air conditioning, Dali's life took a remarkable turn.

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'100 cigaretts a day. Why do you smoke so much?' - 'Coughing is the only exercise I get.'

Who Designed This Course?

'We call him Fungus cuz he grows on you!'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'This is your last chance! 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall...'.'

'...and how did the acupuncturing go?'

"Hey, you're cute, you must give me your number."

"I'm not sure we still carry the Wonderbra."

What if sponges didn't suck...

Sailing.

Bob auctions off his thoughts.

"No, Billy, I don't play the horn anymore. I just like to take it out every once and again so's to give an old friend a great big tallywhack on the head!"

"I forget the name of the product, but the jingle on TV goes something like 'Ya-dee-dum-dee-rah-te-dum-dee-rah-dee-dum.'"

Man in Bath

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

This Sand Is sooo...Scrumptious.

'Your tests show a mild protein deficiency...Have you thought about accepting cheeses into your life?'

"You, more than anyone, should understand the concept of social distancing."

Pyromaniacs Anonymous - "Anyone got a light?"

Flower drinking cola.

'I only collect ghost-written books.'