Quirky Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"The doctor said your cholesterol is a little high, but everything else looks normal."

"Can you increase its range?"

'This takes the guesswork out of choosing the site for our new headquarters.'

"This is not working. Can I go back on the valium?"

"Another alternative is to freeze you until some future insurance company would pay for your medical procedure."

'Well, my Cecil always loved to think 'out-the-box'.'

"Okay, your story checks out. You're not a Peeping Tom, you're just a creepy real estate appraiser."

Your perfectionism is starting to get on my nerves.

Size differences aside...it's that cheesy 'manufactured' smile that makes it so easy to pick a fruit fly on a GM diet!!

"It looks a lot like him, but he would never have worn a tag on his toe like that."

Trick or Treat during pandemic.

From the Department of New Age Medicine: The First Artichoke Heart Transplant.

Cleaner dusts the letters of a book.

Barry Manilow explores new directions and finally connects with his target audience

'It's rock hard this water-bed of yours.'

Freudian Slip.

'I just don't understand why our Buy One Get One Free offer on coffins isn't popular!'

'I told you at the start - this drug is still in the experimental stage.'

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

"Good afternoon Sir. I was just passing and couldn't help wondering if you might be considering new double glazing?"

'Everybody, but Jake's horse, was glad he'd given up smoking.'

"Alright, now see what happens when you turn the faucet off."

Telephobia

Free Mattress.

"She's genetically modified, you know."

'I love doing surprise inspections.'

"I've never had a relationship with you! I've just had 465 one night-stands with the same person!"

'Fisherman catches a fish in a fish bowl.'

Superman, aka, 'Man of Steel' Rust in Peace.

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

Fred got his Neti pot at a garage sale.

Reversibull: 'Well this is awkward.'

Ahhh, the delights of hot fizzy cow urine!

Short shelf life...please help!