Quirky Humor Fanatic Pillows

Vending Machine - People Disappear in Record Numbers.

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Astral Projection