Quirky Humor Fanatic Pillows

Vending Machine - People Disappear in Record Numbers.

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Fresh pepper?"

Introducing...Anagraman.

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