Quirky Humorist Gifts

'I must warn you, I know tai chi. We can step outside and settle it like men, but it will have to be in slow motion.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

Bovine Fast Food,

The end is near. Are we nearly there yet?

"Was that the sensitive spot you were telling me about?"

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'Well, no, I don't see any patterns in this data, but I did see Elvis in my oatmeal this morning!'

High in the central Andes, the legal eagles build their nests, hunt for food and suet the bejesums out of each other.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

Ronald is extremely compulsive.

Building an inferiority complex - debate over land use.

One day, after forgetting to pay his air conditioning, Dali's life took a remarkable turn.

'Rising damp? Nah! That's our Nan with her pot of tea. Terrible hiccups always. . .'

Who Designed This Course?

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'100 cigaretts a day. Why do you smoke so much?' - 'Coughing is the only exercise I get.'

'This is your last chance! 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall...'.'

'We call him Fungus cuz he grows on you!'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Hey, you're cute, you must give me your number."

'...and how did the acupuncturing go?'

"I'm not sure we still carry the Wonderbra."

Hierarchy In The Junk Drawer

"I'm gonna hold out for a mocha espresso with whipped cream."

What if sponges didn't suck...

'Who's been cutting their nails again?'

Cat on cuckoo clock waiting for bird.

Hippy Hour: 'Sorry,mate-dyslexic signwriter!'

'I'm being fitted for a new laptop.'

'And a couple more should relieve your back-pain Sir...'

Insane Asylum.

'I only collect ghost-written books.'