Quirky Date Night Humorist T-Shirts

"Taking leftovers home, again?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"It's just a tree."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"I cross the road to forget."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'