Date Night Humorist Gifts

"You're not one of those hoarders, are you?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"Why do you think cool cars are lame?"

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

First Date

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Man with many tattoos.

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

Overnight Programming

He's Tasty!

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

'Do you have to use your sat-nav for everything?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"