Casual Date Night Humorist Gifts

'I'm a welfare recipient, but it's not as exciting as it sounds.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Tunnel of Like.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Always Compatible

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."