Casual Cocktail Humorist Gifts

"It's for his shakes."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'She'll never look for me here.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Teapot

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Vacuums!'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'