Casual Cocktail Humorist T-Shirts

"It's for his shakes."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'She'll never look for me here.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Infinity Tavern

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'You've had enough!'

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Surreal Ale Pub.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'Vacuums!'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"It's Olive isn't it?"

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'