Cocktail Humorist Gifts

"Too dry?"

The Dry Humor Martini: 'Like the economy, I'm shaken, not stirred...'

A Good Batch.

Yoga for Alcoholics

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I forget to drink."

Teapot

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'The first cocktail.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

Bar Therapy

"It's Olive isn't it?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

Caveman turning the wheel into a bar.