Cocktail Humorist Gifts

"Too dry?"

The Dry Humor Martini: 'Like the economy, I'm shaken, not stirred...'

A Good Batch.

Yoga for Alcoholics

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I forget to drink."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Teapot

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

'The first cocktail.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Bar Therapy

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

Caveman turning the wheel into a bar.

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."