Cocktail Conversation Artist Gifts

"I'm sure you two will discover that you're both plagued by the same nonexistent problems."

A Good Batch.

Yoga for Alcoholics

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"I forget to drink."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'The first cocktail.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

Bar Therapy

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

Caveman turning the wheel into a bar.

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"It's for his shakes."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.