Bar Conversation Artist Gifts

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

People talking through a stethoscope.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'