Bar Conversation Enthusiast Gifts

"Try telling that to the Kansas Board of Education."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'He thought the fire alarm was the bell for last orders, and ran towards the bar.'

Ostrich Bar

"Do they look tired to you?"

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

Raw Piano Bar

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

Joe's Bar: Revenge is a dish best served with cold beer!