Bar Chatter Aficionado Gifts

'I'm a failure as a manager and husband.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'