Bar Chatter Enthusiast Gifts

"Re toxing Dave"

"I've had one great passion in my life – hating my job."

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'm not whining."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"