Bar Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Plus cute. Did I mention extremely cute, for a fusion chef?"

"That's enough, boys! Take it outside or online!"

'...then he asked me to drive down the road with the mobile to give him phone sex.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

Cruising with Obama and his wing man.

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"I'd feel a lot better if I had $41,568,946 in my checking account."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm not whining."

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."