Bar Banter Aficionados Gifts

"We met in the Galapagos."

"Sorry, but I'm in a relationship at the moment so it's going to have to be your place."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Sure, buddy, I'll visit your website, but I won't accept your cookies."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm not whining."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Damn early birds.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"Stock photo, right?"

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'