Bar Banter Aficionados Pillows

"We met in the Galapagos."

"Sorry, but I'm in a relationship at the moment so it's going to have to be your place."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Sure, buddy, I'll visit your website, but I won't accept your cookies."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm not whining."

'Damn early birds.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'