Bar Banter Enthusiast Pillows

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

'Medical bourbon - that's what we need.'

"Polar? Or simply slow to warm."

'I'd offer you a ride home, but my car's only a one-seater.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I've been diagnosed with duel personalities."

'There's a lot to be said for keeping ones opinion to oneself.' 'No there isn't!'

"Are you kidding? I could never move back in with my parents. I'm living with yours."

'I've found this lump on my testicle, would you like to have a look?'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Y'know, those mood rings are pretty accurate!'

'Do you have any mints? I can't go back to work with toilet water on my breath.'

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

"I'm attracted to his 'come to bed eyes', but I'm put off by his 'go to the cake shop body'."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"The drinks cost the same, we just don't talk about Trump."

It's a special whistle for emergencies. Only my attorney can hear it.

I take a very serious view of drinking and driving.

'He's a problem drinker. . . he never buys a round.'

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'Uh oh. Operators are standing by.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Now, there goes a professional drinker.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

'I thought I missed my period and then I remembered my sex-change.'

'There is only one woman I really love.' - 'Please, I don't want to hear any more about your mother.'

'Gagging for it.'

'Ah, love...I remember the first time I ever made love. In fact, I think I still have the receipt...'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'You're right. The world's going to hell.'

"Hey babe, wanna see my third eye?"

"Would you sleep with me for £100?"

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

"So what do you think about this coronaviruses thing"