Bar Banter Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

'Medical bourbon - that's what we need.'

"Polar? Or simply slow to warm."

'I'd offer you a ride home, but my car's only a one-seater.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I've been diagnosed with duel personalities."

'There's a lot to be said for keeping ones opinion to oneself.' 'No there isn't!'

"Are you kidding? I could never move back in with my parents. I'm living with yours."

'I've found this lump on my testicle, would you like to have a look?'

'Y'know, those mood rings are pretty accurate!'

'Do you have any mints? I can't go back to work with toilet water on my breath.'

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

"I'm attracted to his 'come to bed eyes', but I'm put off by his 'go to the cake shop body'."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"The drinks cost the same, we just don't talk about Trump."

It's a special whistle for emergencies. Only my attorney can hear it.

I take a very serious view of drinking and driving.

'He's a problem drinker. . . he never buys a round.'

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'Uh oh. Operators are standing by.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Now, there goes a professional drinker.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

'I thought I missed my period and then I remembered my sex-change.'

'There is only one woman I really love.' - 'Please, I don't want to hear any more about your mother.'

'Gagging for it.'

'Ah, love...I remember the first time I ever made love. In fact, I think I still have the receipt...'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'You're right. The world's going to hell.'

"Would you sleep with me for £100?"

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

"So what do you think about this coronaviruses thing"

"I don't have all night, Miss. Are you going to push that button or what?"

"Double Scotches for me and my super-ego, and a glass of water for my id, which is driving."