Bar Humor Aficionados Pillows

Bar. Don't apologize for calling me a porpoise

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."