Bar Humor Appreciator Pillows

Man at bar opens peacock tail to scared looking woman.

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"He has a one track mind-mostly dirt!"

Free jukebox...

A Day at the Comics Bar

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."