Bar Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

The why-the-long-face gag falls short.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Complementary Beverages

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

"Leave the toilet."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."