Bar Talk Aficionados Pillows

"I'm probably in the minority, but I would've loved to see Mantle on steroids."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Damn early birds.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"I'm not whining."

No, we don't serve rubbing alcohol.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

"Stock photo, right?"

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'