Bar Talk Appreciator Pillows

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"I'm not whining."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'