Bar Talk Pillows

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'm not whining."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

"Stock photo, right?"

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."