Bar Talk Pillows

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

"I'm not whining."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

"Stock photo, right?"

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'