Bar Talker Pillows

"I must admit, though, it was a man who taught me how to abuse my power."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

"Sipsies?"

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"I'm not whining."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"So,... Can I call you?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

"Stock photo, right?"

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'