Bar Talk Lover Pillows

'I need my job to pay for the booze I need to forget my job.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'The guy at the next table said he'd have what you're drinking.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'm not whining."

Beer

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"To the lady in the harbor."

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'