Bar Conversations Pillows

"My wife's an angel."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'm not whining."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.

"Stock photo, right?"

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'