Bar Talk Appreciator Gifts

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I'm not whining."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'