Bar Conversation Lover Gifts

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"He went red state on me."

"When my dad died it was left to me to manage his affairs..."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I'm not whining."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

"Stock photo, right?"