Bar Banter Lovers Gifts

'An Opus Dei secret operative, eh? - That's the oldest line in the world!'

'While I was in the rat race, my wife ran off with a mouse!'

"To me, baseball is a metaphor for football."

"Your round...."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."