Bar Talk Enthusiasts Gifts

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'He thought the fire alarm was the bell for last orders, and ran towards the bar.'

Ostrich Bar

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

"Do they look tired to you?"

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

Joe's Bar: Revenge is a dish best served with cold beer!

"Jim opened a bar in his cubicle. Before you shut it down, keep in mind that company morale has never been higher."