Bar Chatter Devotee Gifts

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"I'm not whining."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.