Bar Chatter Devotee Pillows

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'