Bar Conversation Artist T-Shirts

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

'I'm having what he's having.'

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'